BOB & THE BLONDE
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news,
so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."
Bob took the money....
BLONDE IN AN APPLIANCE STORE
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
FAST FOOD BLONDES
The following sign was posted at a fast food restaurant owned by two blondes:
“Parking for drive-through customers only!”
OL' McBLONDIE
A blond died her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on.
She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. She said to the farmer, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have in total, can I have one?"
"Ok" said the farmer, so she quickly counted them and said, "91". The farmer looked around astonished and said, "alright take one."
As she was walking back to her car the farmer said, "If i can guess your natural hair colour can I have my dog back?"
MORE BLONDES
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign for the YMCA?
"Look, they spelled Macy's wrong!"
BLONDE ON SOCIALISM
What a Blonde's definition of socialism?
Partying!
ICE FISHING BLONDE
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.
From the heavens a voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.
The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''
This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''
The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?''
The voice answered, ''NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.''
BLONDE DESTROYER
What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer?
A hula hoop with a nail in it.
HECKLE ME HARDER
A ventriloquist is sitting on stage at a comedy club. He and his dummy are spurting out really crude blonde jokes, when a blonde lady sitting in the audience stands up.
"I'm so sick of you people who think blondes are stupid. It's because of you that I have had to try harder to prove myself at work and in the community. There are just as many dumb people with red or brown hair. There are just as many smart people with blonde hair."
"Gosh, Miss, I'm terribly sorry. I was just telling jokes, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"Shut up! I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that little jerk on your lap!"
MEDICAL HELP
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "Thank you, that's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."